I keep finding pieces of myself. I keep getting little reminders of who I am. I don't have to listen. The reminders aren't obnoxious alarm bells. They are more like the purr of a kitten--calming and familiar.
When I walk past a piece of me it feels like dejavu. It's familiar to me. It is familiar to me...because it's a part of who I am.
I broke when he let go of me, and it was such a far fall that I became scattered.
Slowly I am picking up the pieces of me. The hardest part of this is accepting them.
I can't help but judge them, but I would be lying to myself if I tried to say that that wasn't something I enjoy or if that isn't something that I would do.
Every piece I see cause me to have to come face to face with myself.
Try closing your eyes when you are standing in front of a mirror. You know your there. You know you haven't moved. You know that when you open your eyes you are going to see you. You also know that the mirror doesn't lie and that that's what you look like. Human nature causes you to make a judgement about that face in the mirror. The hardest part is accepting that this is you.
Your make-up can run but you can never run away from yourself.
Let's be serious. That's a piece of me. Human nature causes me to judge it. The hardest part is to accept it.
I keep finding pieces of myself. Some of the pieces I'm proud of...others I find embarrassing.
But what to do? I know they are part of me.
I rode horses for years and never once feel off. I came super close to falling a couple times but I managed to stay on some how. So I never had the opportunity to get back on the horse. I never knew how hard it was. When I taught people how to ride, they used to fall off all of the time and I never understood why they needed so much encouragement to get back on the horse.
So now I'm trying to get back on the horse for the first time ever.
...and you know what? It's fucking terrifying. I'm fucking terrified.
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